Have you spent a lot of energy trying to get your life in “balance”…only to feel like a failure when you can’t “do it all”?
I know I have run myself ragged trying to start a new business, lose a few pounds, write a book, help my aging parents, give back to my community, and finally clean out the garage…all at the same time.
I think is it a common phenomenon, especially for women. We feel that we should be able to balance work, life, family and community…and we end up with no time at all to take care of ourselves.
So it was refreshing to learn a new way of looking at things…a perspective that gives you permission not to try to be in perfect balance.
Charlie Gay, a successful businessman and student of many cultural traditions, said in a recent interview that “balance is baloney!” What happens when you are in perfect balance? Get an image of this in your mind, and you will see that you are standing perfectly still.
Instead, he said, we should look at life like a symphony. It takes many notes and instruments to create beautiful music, but they are not all playing a starring role at the same time. Some are melody, others are harmony, and some are simply biding their time in the background…ready to chime in when it is their turn to shine.
Looking at life this way gives us the opportunity to focus on one or two priorities at a time, while giving the rest just enough nurturance to keep them thriving in the background.
Gay suggests that if you don’t know where to start, getting healthier is usually the best entry point. That certainly worked for me.
After receiving a bit of a scare about my blood pressure and heart health, I embarked on a vigorous 12-week interval walking program. Walking six mornings a week meant I had to sacrifice my blogging time, so you did not hear much from me over the past few months. But now I am back in a much healthier body, ready to write again. And staying physically active has become such a habit that if I miss two days of exercise, my body lets me know it is time to get away from my computer and hit the trails.
So now it is your turn. Let’s compose your symphony, and decide which are going to be the prominent notes for the next few weeks.
Elements of a Harmonic Life
When you look at life as a matter of balance, it is often represented by a wheel with many spokes, like the one pictured here. The goal is to devote the same amount of time and energy to each of the sectors. Whew, makes me exhausted just thinking about it!
I don’t think it is practical to try to think of life in that many categories, so I have winnowed them down to just 5 that are meaningful to me:
Livelihood, a way of making a living that is consistent with my passions and life purpose
Legacy, the impact I want to leave behind in the world
Love, meaningful relationships with partner, friends and family
Well-being, nurturing and cultivation of body, mind and spirit
Lifestyle, connection with home, nature, local and global community
Now it is your turn. What are the elements of your perfect symphony? Write them down, draw them, color them in, and keep them somewhere you can look at them every day to remind yourself of your own priorities.
Setting Priorities
Now it is time to figure out where you want to put your attention in the coming weeks.
- Looking at your key elements, where do you feel most satisfied?
- Where do you feel deprived?
- Where do you feel a deep longing that is going unfulfilled?
- What external demands are requiring your time and attention right now?
- How much time can you free up to devote to your own self-care?
If you answered that last question with “none,” you are not alone. Many woman give all of their energy to helping others succeed at home and at work, leaving no time to nurture themselves.
Cheryl Richardson, in her book The Art of Extreme Self-Care, explains why it is so important to change this paradigm for living.
The concept of making one’s self care a priority remains controversial to this very day. Over the years I’ve repeatedly had to defend this idea to the media as well as to clients and audience members. Now I welcome the opportunity and here’s why: the practice of Extreme Self-Care forces us to make choices and decisions that honor and reflect the true nature of our soul. While the whole notion of this might seem selfish or self-centered, doing so actually allows us to make our greatest contribution to the world. The choice to live a life that reflects the tenets of Extreme Self-Care is critical if we want to make a difference in the world…and most people I know do.
So, if you feel that you don’t have any time to make yourself a priority, I recommend that you buy Cheryl’s book and follow its suggestions to “transform your life one month at a time.”
If you are ready to devote some time and energy to your passions, follow your intuition to decide where to put your focus right now. It does not have to be the perfect decision, and you can always change your mind. So just choose one area, and commit to spending some time every day to focus on it.
You will be a happier person, and the world will be a better place if you do.
I would love to hear what you decide. Please leave me a comment and share your thoughts, your struggles and successes with creating a life of harmony.
